You may be a leg man—or a breast guy—so there’s a pretty
good chance you’re ignoring the sexiest female organ of all: her brain.
“Many guys crash and burn in their quest to be a great lover because
they forgot that the most important part of her body is her mind,” says
Reef Karim, MD, author of Why Does She Do That? Why Does He Do That? and the director of The Control Center, a sex, drugs,
and relationship treatment center in Beverly Hills. Follow his advice
on stroking her head, so her body will naturally follow you into bed.
Be patient. When you have a new girl’s attention
and you’re working to close the deal, don’t rev your engines
prematurely. “You don’t want to come across like a predator,” says Dr.
Karim. “No girl wants to hook up with a creeper.” To avoid that vibe,
don’t stare too much—particularly at her lady parts—don’t be too
touchy-feely, or get too physical too soon. “When a woman is worried you
could hurt her, it’s over. So much of her enjoyment is about feeling
safe.”
Think about ambience. Girls instinctually
appreciate that candles and mood lighting are romantic. That’s probably
not your own natural instinct, but it’s an easy angle that steers girls
in a sexy direction. “Guys don’t care if candles are lit or not,” says
Dr. Karim. “We don’t care if it’s dark and we can’t see or if all the
lights are on.” But girls may be more insecure about their bodies, so
setting the lighting so that it’s dim enough that she doesn’t have to be
overly self-conscious will up your odds of a steamy night.
Play to her sense of smell. A pleasant aroma—mixed
with a cocktail of pheromones—goes a long way toward turning everyone
on, since your olfactory sense is the strongest. “Incense and natural
smells are always better than cheesy cologne,” says Dr. Karim. “Drakkar
Noir is now a repellent like mosquito spray.” Individual smell
preferences differ from woman to woman, so impress her even more by
asking if she prefers the scent of sandalwood, roses—or a garlicky
tomato sauce instead. “A little research into what she likes can go a
long way in the bedroom.”
Turn on some tunes. The
music needs to go with the theme of the night, but it shouldn't be too
distracting. The focus should be on you and her, not your own personal
playlist. “Death metal may turn you on, but it doesn't turn on many women,” says Dr. Karim. “I think music is less specific than smells.
You can throw on some Sade or Barry White, and at the worst she’ll
think it’s cheesy, but at least it’s not a distractor. There is certain
music that goes with a little bit of romance, but other music is a
turnoff.” And again, asking her what she likes to listen to is a
surefire way to impress.
Find common ground. Before you launch into your
come-back-to-my-place lines, talk about shared moments from the night
you’ve shared. “For women, it’s all about mood and timing,
and sex talk too early is a big risk,” says Dr. Karim. So much of the
seduction talk is a dance. “You meet a woman in a bar, and she knows it
could go somewhere—and so do you—so roll with it. Eventually you will
get her back to your place, but don’t talk about it. If you tell her she
should see your bed, it looks like you’re predetermined, and for a
woman, that usually ruins it.”
Be confident—not egomaniacal. There’s a very fine
line between the two. “Confidence is rooted in, ‘I am comfortable with
myself and I believe in what I’m doing,’ and being ego-driven is
primarily based in insecurity,” says Dr. Karim. “Confidence comes from
the inside out, and ego is coming from the outside in.” So don’t brag
about your sweet wheels or that you’re tight with a hot-shot club
promoter, let the cool things about you leak out more subtly. A guy with
humility is far sexier to a woman than a show-off. “The guys who are
most comfortable in their own skin get the most women. A six pack doesn't hurt, but it's not necessary.”
Make her laugh. Appealing to a woman’s sense of
humor immediately ups your odds of getting her to have sex with you. To
wit: Russell Brand is almost frightening to look at, but you can’t argue
his success in the sack. Just make sure she's laughing with you and not
at you. “Unless clowns are a turn on for her,” says Dr. Karim. But even
if you’re being funny, if you come across like you're reciting a guy's
pick up manual, you're going to blow it. “Be yourself. Unless you're a douche bag. Then pretend you're someone else less douchey.